"Quick" Grocery trip on Friday

You know it's a bad outing when halfway through the grocery trip a lady sympathetically looks at me and asks, "oh hunny, do you want me to finish your grocery shopping for you?" SERIOUSLY!??!! It was obvious that I had ZERO control over my twins! Mikey was actually being good, but Abby and Josie were definitely not!





I had decided to bring in the side-by-side double stroller instead of getting a cart b/c I was only grabbing a few things to make for that night (I invited some neighbors over to hang out in honor of Mike's birthday that was on Thurs.) Well, we all know how it goes when you're just getting 'a few things' from the grocery!



So all three of them were sitting in the stroller (Mikey and Abby were sharing a seat). Josie, who is always the most opinionated when it comes to where she sits in strollers or shopping carts or even IF she sits, started out on my hip until we got in the door and I had to threaten her to sit in the stroller ("if you don't sit you won't get a treat!") so that lasted about 6 seconds b/c the first table when you walk in the grocery is filled with cookies, brownies, etc. and I let them pick something for that night for all the kids. We ended up with both brownies and cookies and then headed toward the produce so I could get avacados. Now everyone is out and walking ---this is no good.



There was 3-foot tall ceramic man (that looked like a Luigi-type pizza man) that they were obsessed with and kept pretending to talk to. Quite amusing to all those who passed by them, but not to me who said 48 times, "Abby and Josie-- let's go...we have to go....we don't have all day....if you want a treat..........." They ignore me completely and are lost in their own little pretend world where only the 2 of them and the ceramic pizza man exist. I tried to pick them both up but each did 'the flop' in my arms and screemed that they have pee. (They HATE sitting in their diapers whem there is pee in them and go figure they both peeed at the beginning of a grocery trip!) Josie actually was peeing as I grabbed her to put her back in the stroller so her's leaked through her pants onto my arm. Again, go figure!



So about 27 minutes later we successfully completed the whopping 12 steps to the produce.






Here, Abby, Mikey and Josie all three start grabbing apples and throwing them -- yes, a throwing contest with big laughs and each yelling for the others to watch their throw. I'm right there grabbing arms and saying, "NO, we do NOT throw the apples! Girls, Mikey -- STOP!" (I was also holding my laugh in b/c it WAS pretty darn funny!)


While I'm asking a man who works there where something was Abby got a hold of a container of cherry tomatos and busts it open and teeny tomatoes go rolling all over the floor. So as I'm frantically trying to pick up the cherry tomatoes Josie and Abby start grabbing the big tomatoes and saying, "eeewwww...apples" and cracking up b/c they're grabbing and squeezing tomato after tomato and it is gushing everywhere! Again, "GIRLS, NO! Those are tomatoes and you're ruining them!! NO!" They both think it's funny as they each try to say "oh, dose aw tomatos??"(We don't buy tomatos so they think this is a new thing and they also think the word tomato is really funny for whatever reason). Again, I'm holding in my laughs b/c this, too, is funny!


Ok, so somehow we make it about halfway through the grocery -- a double stroller with only Mikey sitting in it and a ton of groceries piled in it and Abby and Josie in tow -- touching and grabbing pretty much everything along the way. When we're at the grocery I just let them think we're buying it and then I hand about 24 things to the cashier when we check out and have to explain that we we're not buying that. (you know how it works moms!)


It is during this 'mid-point' that a woman about 70 years old stops me and says that she's a twin and how wonderful it is and that she and her sister are about to celebrate their birthday next week. I'm a social person and I love to talk, but we literally get stopped by tons of people on every outing b/c the world is fascinated by identical twins and people can't help but comment about them and ask questions. Abby and Josie now each have an armful of things including Disney Princess perfume, Tinkerbell bubble bath and woman razors (in a large container) and they're trying to carry them all and think we're buying them. They keep dropping stuff and I'm pleading with them to put things back. I tell them to come on (for the 90th time) and I start walking. Some chic says to me, "Excuse me, your kids are still over here." Really??? Like I actually thought they were following me??? Seriously lady, I dont' give a hoot that they're not following me -- they never do! I laughed kindly and said, "I know, they're 2 and don't listen -- you know how they are." She was not amused and pointed to her ONE kid in the cart who was sitting perfectly and said, "well, she's almost 2..." Like she is saying to me that her kid is perfect. Of course I had to make a comment back. So I said, "well, she'll be bad soon enough...maybe close to age 3 -- just wait." ...and REALLY wanted to add the word, "bitch" at the end of that sentence but refrained and just said it in my mind instead. During this time Mikey --in the stroller with all the groceries -- was left randomely while I went back to grab the twins. How many people you think walked by wondering where the heck was the parent who belonged to this random kid with toppled-over-groceries in his stroller just sitting there by himself????!!!

Then I tried to grab the girls by their arms and make them walk with me. They're both screaming and pulling their bodies away from me. I try to snaggle a few items out of their grasps and return them to a shelf -- at the least I wanted to get rid of the stupid perfume -- I mean, who the heck makes Disney princess perfume in glass bottles??!! Toddlers and little girls who are 'in' to princesses are too young for perfume and bigger girls have no interest in Disney Princess -- what a dumb thing anyways!!!


Too late. Abby busted her box open, glass container is out and it falls to the floor! Fortunately it does not shatter!! THAT'S IT!!! Any reasonalble mom would probably have just left at this point, but I don't ever do that -- in my world if I have all these kids in the freakin' store I'll be damned if I'm leaving without any groceries!! Pretty much every single shopping experience is like this so my standards are pretty low!



This is when the lady who had commented earlier about being a twin offered to finish my shopping for me. Very sweet. Very embarrassing. And no thank you -- I'll rarely admit I need help no matter how obvious it is!!! I thanked her and told her that I really only had 2 things left to get (of course 2 things turn into atleast 17 things).




The last of the items I grab is a case of Corona. No room left in the stroller and kids running everywhere. One arm is pushing the grocery-stuffed-stroller and one is holding the beer against my hip. No arms left to grab atleast one kid, let alone 3....This beer is NOT going back. I need this beer. My husband needs this beer. Beer and wine are just as important in our house as milk, bread or peanut butter!!




God knows I need this beer....which is why I hear a voice laughing and asking me if I need to use her cart. It's a neighbor! Thank God b/c carrying beer, pushing a cart and convincing the twins to follow me is impossible. Since all of our neighbors know how freaking nuts we are I gladly accept and we all head to the checkout. Mikey gets to pick out a piece of candy or gum b/c he was good. HELL NO for the twins. But they don't care. They're picking their stuff anyways. Just more stuff for me to hand over to the cashier only to tell her that we're not buying it. About 2 hourse and $148.57 later our "quick" grocery outing is complete. Thankfully a worker helps me push a cart so I could push the stroller and get the twins to follow me. As we head out I stop to get myself Starbucks -- a treat I earn at EVERY grocery outing. No matter how insane my shopping trip is I always get myself a macchiato, latte, or frappuccino --or whatever the hell I want b/c I deserve it!! Off to the car and I let the maniacs in while I unload. I still had to change diapers and wrestle them into their car seats...